Hello and welcome to another edition of the product of my brain running on a treadmill. (I should be a stand-up comedian 'cause I'm soooo funny :P) Anyways, today I shall teach you about the art of being a friend.
So what is a friend? By general standards, a friend is someone who shares your best moments with you and who shares their own in return. Someone who takes silly selfies with you, has sleepovers with you, plays video games with you, goes shopping with you, etc. While that is all fine and dandy, that is not all what being a friend is about.
A real friend is someone who doesn't just share to good moments with you; they also share the bad ones. They take the load off a bad situation and share it with you. If you recently have something to celebrate, be it your birthday, landing the job you wanted, getting something you've been wanting, getting married, and so one, then yeah of course a real friend is there with you through all those amazing things. But a real friend should also be there through a bad breakup, a death in the family, losing your job, or losing something you treasure. Through the good and the bad. A person who is only there for your successes but never around when you need them if you are going through a failure is not a friend. That is a party-goer. To sum it up, lesson one: Friends are there for you thick and thin. If not then they're around for themselves.
Also, even though taking silly selfies or just pictures together and posting them on social media is today's validation of a friendship; that is not always the case. Back when I was in school, I'd see that certain group of girls who seemed to me like the best of friends and who would remain that way for a long time. Then I'd hear them talking about one of their friends of that same group behind her back. They would all do that to each other. Now I know I may be a rarity, but if I can bring myself to talk smack about someone behind their back, that person is most definitely not my friend. Because I know that whatever I have to say about someone I call my friend I can say it to their face with confidence. So what those girls at my school would pull is what I call a façade. A charade, if you will. So lesson two in the art of being a friend: if you can talk smack about that person behind their back they are not your friend.
Another quality of friendship that is included into the general standards is constant communication. You talk all day every day. My opinion of this is that I don't put mandatory conditions on people who want to be my friend. That includes communication. I sum it up this way: if you wanna talk, that’s great. If not, that’s also great. I don't need to talk to you every day to know that you're my friend. What I need to know is that when I do need you, whether it's to talk, or to just listen, that you will be available. That's all I require from my real friends. That when I say that I need to talk to them, they are all ears. These are the kind of friends that I can go a really long time without seeing or talking to but I know I can rely on them when the time is right. That goes the other way too. My friends know that whenever they need me, for whatever it is they require, I will be there for them. Lesson three: talking 24/7 is not a show of friendship. But being there when needed, even if it is just to talk is what being a true friend is.
I tell things to my friends, just like most people tell things to their friends. But of course I don't tell everything. General standards say that there are no secrets between friends. I disagree. People need to have a secret or two. It gives them a sense of feeling special. "I know this and you don't". Human beings are a naturally competitive species. It is an instinct of ours that we cannot change. Keeping something a secret makes people feel either like they are one step ahead of people or that not revealing everything makes them less vulnerable and therefore more able for competing. Any good friend knows that if a friend wants them to know something then they will know eventually. If not then don't push. Everybody is allowed secrets. Lesson four: Secrets are ok. If you must know something then you will learn about it when the time comes, so trust your friend that they are telling you everything you should know.
Being friends with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you can't be a little shy about certain things. Take me for example. One thing I'm shy about around my friends is the things I eat. What I eat and the way I eat it is completely different to what those are amongst friends. At home I eat a whole pizza, and with friends I eat a salad. I can tell them that, but I can't actually demonstrate that in front of them. No matter how good of friends you are, there will always be something that makes you skittish, timid, shy, or embarrassed. The same goes for them. It's a matter of personality rather than what type of relationship you have. Lesson five: Being shy about certain things is natural. Some people can't get over certain things, even if it is around friends.
General standards say that real friends share very exciting and fun memories together. Yeah that is true, but not entirely. A real friend is someone who you can do exciting things with and at the same time is someone you can just chill and relax with. I can have an adventure roaming around the city with my friends, or we can meet at one of our places and watch a movie, eat popcorn, and talk about nonsense together. Now that is someone I can spend time with. Those are both equally good memories, because one has a huge amount of bonding through fun and adventure and the other has the equal amount of bonding through spending time doing nothing together and absolutely enjoying it. So lesson six: Friends don't care how they spend time with you as long as they care about doing it with you.
Finally, general standards of friendship include that you can call someone a friend if you've known them for years. Now this is a point I completely disagree with. I don't speak to people I went to school with for several years about half the things I told my friends from university whom I've known for months. A friend is someone who you can talk to with ease, not someone who you should expect yourself to be comfortable around just because you've known them for a long time. To me the people who make good friends are the ones who make me feel welcome into their lives. The ones who I can share laughter with. Real, genuine, gut busting laughter. Not the laughter you that you force out to feel included. So, final lesson, number seven: Just because you've known someone for years doesn't mean they qualify to be your friend. Look for people who welcome you, not those who should welcome you.
Well I hope you guys learned the art of being a friend from the wisdom that came from a lifetime of trying out different types of people as friends. Thank God I landed with the best kinds. This goes out to all my real friends. They know who they are. That’s all for this week! Don't forget to subscribe if you want to know about the next time I post on Ask Hue Mann. Also share if you think someone else can benefit from what I have to say. And finally, comment what you think about what I write or if you want me to write about a particular topic. I take requests, questions, and critiques. Hue Mann, over and out!! ;)